New town, new doctor...I've been living in Lubbock for only 4 months now and the time was right to establish a new family physician. When I get to the exam room, I alert the M.A. that I'm "allergic" to needles- which she happily chuckles at.  The doc arrives and says "...looks like your insurance covers a full physical so let's push the limits.  We should do every test possible- including the dreaded blood test!  I turn white while speaking with her and inform her of the real possibility that I'll pass out and puke (not necessarily in that order) when the needle is applied.  Chuckle number two insures and she informs me that her phlebotomist is very good and "never hurts anyone", however I have the inside knowledge that she "blew out" the vein of my wife just hours earlier!

Come procedure time and I take off my shirt in attempt to expedite the blood sucking access when the doc notices what appeared to be a small bug bite on my arm.  She looks closely and says "...that looks like it could be irregular..." (AKA let's take a chunk out and test it) "I've got time- let's cut that sucker out"... cue "turn white, become dizzy and request immediate hydration".

She gives the countdown to numbing shot and the needle goes in without any feeling from me.  "Wow- she's really good", I think to myself.  "That's all the pain I'm gonna cause you today"... the first poke was painless, so I believe her--- until the "jaws of carcinoma" are thrust into my bicep... "A little bit of ouch there", I inform her.  Minutes later, the first procedure is done.  I sit up and doc says "...you ARE three shades of white- lay back down- it's much easier to pass out and land successfully from a horizontal position than a vertical one"... I do as instructed.

Then comes the blood sucker.  I point to the already impaled arm and ask if we can even it up as a large rubber band wrapped around an already bleeding gouge didn't sound like the direction for positive outcome.  She lasers in on the left arm and says, "no, I think the right is right!"  To the blood sucker I submit.  The process is quick and somewhat painless, however while the blood was trickling into the vile, images of a needle jamming and prodding it's way to my delicious drops fell like a waterfall into my feeble consciousness. Process complete and again, I sit up...to be informed again of my "whiteness" and told to sit in a chair as "horizontal to floor" is a bad scenario too!

All in all- I feel fine now and it really wasn't too terrible... heck, they even let me cruise through their "granola bar treasure chest" when I was done to get some food back in my "fasting for 18 days" system!

 

 

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