Lubbock, Texas. Our own little slice of paradise. Gateway to the great plains. The Hub City...

What a s#!thole.

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to drive to the Metroplex, which took me through some beautiful landscapes and a chance to see what actual civilization looked like. The land on the way was lush and green, with open spaces, horse pastures and views as far as the eye could see. And then, the majesty of Dallas and Fort Worth, with its own sense of Texas Pride. There were shopping malls, and family activities, and restaurants that don't start with 'Whata.' It was fun.

Then, we came home Sunday to this crap.

Image: Lance Ballance-Townsquare Media
Lance Ballance, Townsquare Media
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Sigh.

Now, I know there are lifers here who just don't know any better and since we happen to have a Texas flag flying over our town that we're as much a part of Texas as Dallas, San Antonio or elsewhere. They'd call me all sorts of names and tell me to "go back to California, you hippie! You don't belong in Texas!" Well, neither does Lubbock. It's not Texas. It's just far Eastern New Mexico.

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We have more in common with Hobbs and Roswell than we do with Dallas and Austin.  They have honest-to-goodness green trees while our city tree is a freaking tumbleweed. Without Texas Tech, we're just Portales with a better mall. Even BUC-EE'S hates us and would rather open in Tennessee and Amarillo than in the 806.

And yes, I'll throw our neighbors to the north under the bus as well. Amarillo is Northwest Oklahoma. Hell, Amarillo is closer to Kansas than it is to Lubbock.

I'm all for trying to claim some Texas Pride because we really have nothing else going for us. It's ugly as hell here, and the only way to get rich in Lubbock is to own a car wash. Sure, houses may be cheap, but the expensive property taxes and ridiculous power bills make up for that.

So, suck it up and accept the truth. We're the worst city in Texas, and yet the nicest in Eastern New Mexico. That's because I'd still pick Lubbock over Clovis any day.

Don't @ me.

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