Looking For A Cute, Loving Pet That Can Kill You? It’s On Lubbock’s Craigslist!

I freaking love Craigslist.

Craigslist is to online shopping as "90-Day Fiance'" is to Educational Television. You find yourself scanning through, stopping to say "What The SH--?", and then getting sucked in for hours. It's a rabbit hole that you can never emerge from.

Speaking of rabbit holes, don't let this guy near one, because Thumper ain't coming back if he does. But, I assume that it's GREAT with kids! And...it's FREE TO A GOOD HOME!

Screenshot: Craigslist

FREE. BABY. RATTLESNAKE.

Even though this is from Portales, it still showed up on the Lubbock Craigslist, as a much braver soul than I actually captured a baby rattle snake, and is now (probably facetiously) offering it to a good home for free.

The ad reads:

Free baby rattle snake.
Caught it in my yard.
Yours free!
Portales county, out by the children’s home.
May be able to give you more free in the future.
Kind Regards

So, wait...he may have even more? Like it's little snake brothers and sisters??? WE CAN'T BREAK UP THE FAMILY!!!

I can't wait to sit in my favorite easy chair at night, have my new pet come curl up in my lap, and as I pet his back, feeling him sink his deadly fangs deep into my upper thigh. When I scream out in pain and horror, his cute little brothers and sisters (or are they asexual?) will come join their sibling in a friendly round of playful interaction...which will also involve them injecting my (soon to be lifeless) carcass with enough venom to kill a moose, or Keith Richards.

So, be careful of what free offers you may find on Craigslist, and be sure to spay and neuter your pets.

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