Yesterday (Dec. 10th), a creep stole the package off of my friend's porch and was caught on her doorbell camera.

My guess is that he was desperately seeking a necklace that has possibly been cool past 1997. One perhaps dialed back on the Guy Fieri wannabe vibe. Or, you know, one that might actually fit his neck.

CLEARLY, this gentleman is old enough to know better. I hope a jar of pre-workout and a pair of scissors was worth all the shame you brought upon yourself.

Stealing packages is the worst. The chance its something you actually want is pretty low and you're stealing from your neighbors like an absolute ghoul. I hope the next package you steal is full of rancid dog turds- it'll match your moral compass.

Personally, I'm ready to bring back a public square just for package thieves. They can wear signs that say "I'm a pathetic loser with too much time on my hands"