We've heard for years the slogan "Don't California My Texas," yet we see stories of more fancy-schmancy Hollywood types deciding to trade smog, earthquakes and $17 lattes for wide open spaces, lower gas prices and common sense. Problem is, when these freaks arrive at the border of Texas and New Mexico, they bring a lot of their Grade-A hippie-granola bulls--- with them.

Exhibit A: former That '70' Show stars Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis. Apparently, being TV stars means never having to buy freaking soap ever again, as they recently said that when it comes to their kids, they aren't into the whole bathing thing. It's not that they don't do it, because they have nannies for that menial task, but that they just plain won't. They don't believe in WASHING THEIR KIDS.


Yeah, that's pretty much our sentiment, as well.

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In an interview with fellow Hollywood weirdo Dax Shepard (yeah, we had to Google him, too), the subject turned to bathing and washing, where Shepard expressed his belief that bathing rids the body of essential oils. Ashton and Mila agreed, and then admitted that they only really wash their most intimate of areas and have never been the parents who would regularly wash their newborns.

According to CNN: Kutcher responded:

"If you can see the dirt on them, clean them," he said. "Otherwise, there's no point."

No point in washing your kids unless you see dirt. Hmm, interesting take...and also just plain stupid. Remember, this is the same guy who couldn't save a TV show after Charlie Freaking Sheen blew himself up, and now he's an expert on hygiene? Hard pass.

I'll just say it because there are some (even our own building) who will disagree. If you look to anyone in the entertainment field as an expert on anything, then you seriously need to reconsider your heroes. If they aren't capable of getting the STANK OFF, then they to shut the hell up about important things, like politics. I'm not taking advice from the guy who was in Dude, Where's My Car?, and neither should you. Dude, why do you SMELL???

If these are the types of people who are looking to leave the West Coast in search of more freedom, then we don't want them in West Texas. That's what Austin is for.

Maybe that's why they want to bring masks back in LA: to keep from having to deal with Ashton Kutcher's raging B.O. Good news is, if they want to make West Texas their new destination, we can smell them coming.

Maybe we need to revisit that whole "Border Wall Between Texas and New Mexico" idea. Keep 'em in Santa Fe.

Take a bath, hippie.

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