The Lubbock Gas Station That Ain’t Never Got Gas

You may have noticed this E-Z Mart on 34th Street hasn't had gas in what seems like a million years. The pumps are completely gone now, and it just kind of makes you wonder what exactly is going on over there and why you should continue to stop in.

In fact, all I've ever gotten from them in recent years are the creeps from a store clerk that always tells me he likes the way my pants fit.

That makes one of us, man.

So, what good is an old rickety E-Z Mart with a creepy clerk and no gasoline? Not much at all. The cluttered store looks like it's on the brink of closure, but we don't know for sure. I know it's very old. It's been there since I was a kid. I used to walk there from Coronado High School sometimes and talk them into selling me cigarettes without a driver's license. Sneaky, sneaky.

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A gas station with no gas is like a hairbrush with no bristles. It's like a movie theater without movies. It's like a church with no pews. A candle with no wick. It's like going to a brothel for a rub and tug only to find that they're all out of tugs. It's, well, it's a waste of space. I imagine that location has lost a ton of business dealing with this situation.

I called the E-Z Mart to find out what the deal was. I asked them when they might have gasoline again, and the woman replied "I just don't have an answer for that, love. When the construction is up, we are down."

I'm not exactly sure what the means, but she did call me "love," so I'm betting she's a nice lady and probably not responsible for whatever mess is going on over there.