These Lubbock Locals Could Strike Fear In Anyone’s Heart

Lubbock is known for having extra-friendly people.

However, there are still folks around here who are capable of shutting down your entire nervous system with one look.

They aren't necessarily dangerous, but they radiate such overwhelming authority that you can't help but start apologizing around them for things you haven't even done.

Here's a ranking of the most intimidating people you'll find in Lubbock, Texas.

10. The Woman At The Front Desk Of Your Doctor's Office

Think about it.

She controls everything.

The clipboard. The computer. The insurance forms. Your fate.

Arrive 5 minutes late, and suddenly you're standing before the judge and jury in small claims court, arguing a case you know is 100% your fault.

9. High School Football Coaches

These dudes ate the hell out of their Wheaties.

Even off the field, they carry themselves as if at any moment they could ask you to run laps...and you are SO very, very out of shape...and already exhausted...from all the...uhhh...

Netflix...and...snacks...

8. The Lady in Charge of The Church Potluck

They say God is always watching, but I'm pretty sure he gives Miss Rhonda a pass, especially when it comes to chewing your hide for forgetting the mustard in the potato salad.

Critical error.

She is not to be argued with, and while we're at it, stop smacking your food before she spots you.

7. The Guy at The Tire Shop Who Never Smiles

He says exactly 4 words, fixes your problem in 8 minutes flat, and returns to the back of the shop like a mechanic cryptid.

His efficiency is terrifying.

Pro tip: Do not date his daughter unless you actually know how to fix a car. YouTube doesn't count.

6. Elementary School Secretaries

These women could run FEMA. I'm telling you.

Nothing gets past them. Their vibes make you question whether or not you need a hall pass to breathe. Snag one just in case.

READ MORE: Exploring The Sketchy Vibes in Downtown Lubbock

5. Grandmas at Garage Sales

Never stand between an older woman and a box of antique clowns.

She's got reflexes science has never been able to justify, and her negotiation skills are so slick that she basically leaves with everything and then some for only a quarter and a hug.

4. The Oldschool Waitress At Your Favorite Breakfast Joint

She's been there for 40 years, calls everyone hun, and remembers when your parents were kids.

If she tells you the pie is good today, you order the pie today.

If she tells you to rob a bank, you do that too.

Don't forget her tip because she never will.

3. Tow Truck Drivers

These are God's fallen angels.

Emphasis on the fallen part...

Stay the heck away from them at all cost. Don't even make eye contact.

They are rather...um...

"Ruthless" might be the word I'm looking for.

(The other words I came up with aren't exactly PC.)

2. The DMV Employee Who Just Called Your Name

Pure, unadulterated fear.

You sit there for two hours watching your life slowly dissolve under fluorescent lighting, when suddenly you hear your number being called by someone who looks as though they've personally witnessed the collapse of civilization. Dead in the eyes, if you catch my drift.

“Do you have your secondary proof of residency?”

No. Nobody ever has that. Why would you have that?

The worst part is how they somehow radiate disappointment before you utter a single word.

Now, you're sweating.

Smile for your photo!

1. The Hispanic Mom Who Just Said Your Full Name In Public

Nothing on earth is scarier.

If a Hispanic mom says your full government name, your soul immediately exits your body regardless of whether she’s YOUR mother or not. It doesn't matter. Not in the least. You are done for.

Everybody nearby instinctively stops what they’re doing because they realize you're about to learn a life lesson, right there on the spot, with a full audience.

The chancla is coming.

Run.

Lubbock is Full of Intimidating People

Lucky for us, beneath that hard exterior is usually a big ol' marshmallow.

Deep down, the majority of us are sweetie pies.

Especially the person reading this article today. You're a peach. Thanks for your support.

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