New York Yuppie Tourist Chick is Everything That’s Wrong About Austin Now

If you love Austin, brace yourself -- this chick is going to work her obnoxiousness magic and transform you into an Austin hater:

There's almost too much to hate in this video, but I'll do my best to break it down.

First, why is she always flailing her arms around and swaying? Did she mix her mom's tramadol with Malibu? Keep your hands to yourself in Uncommon Objects, missy. If you break the original dome glass on an authentic Victorian hair memorial wreath, I will destroy everything you love.

Second, dammit, not everyone in Texas wears cowboy boots. And if we do, it's a testament to our culture. You don't deserve them. Go away.

The food part is heinous and I suggest skipping it if you get triggered like me by smacking. Smacking might be one of the worst things a person can do. And she TALKS WITH FOOD IN HER MOUTH. It's awful, disgusting and she should be punished.

Perhaps no better metaphor for the death of Austin as we know it is this lady "tagging" the graffiti wall with the name of her company. It must be difficult going through life with no soul.

Then, she sees a band without crediting them. Ugh.

Then another vile scene of her eating, paired with an awful, unfunny pun.

Then more weird swaying.

"I kept Austin weird." No, no you didn't. You kept Austin lame, corporate and soulless.

Also this video was sponsored by Hotel Indigo, which is the business equivalent of dumping pig manure on a coral reef.

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